Why Christians Don’t Divorce, Part 2| Why Christians Don’t Divorce

Luke 16:18

I’ve titled today’s message Why Christians don’t Divorce. And I know, when you hear a title like that, one that paints with such a broad brush, one that makes such a strong generalizing statement, perhaps there are a few objections that come to mind. Are you saying that Christians never ever, ever, ever get divorced? No, I’m not saying that.There are two exceptions that we know of in the New Testament. Two exceptions to a lifelong union between one man and one woman in marriage.

 The first exception comes about because of cases of unrepentant adultery and the second exception comes about in cases of the abandonment of the marriage by an unbeliever. In either case, whether unrepentant adultery or whether the abandonment by an unbeliever, the official dissolution of a marriage, by means of legal divorce. That would simply be an acknowledgment of the reality of the situation, right?

 In light of the resolve of an unrepentant, unbelieving will. Someone who is bent on adultery. Someone who is an, an unbeliever. Who’s bent on leaving the marriage. You can’t hold that will there. Christians who divorce under those two circumstances, they are not guilty of sin. They are not bound by the marriage. They are free to remarry.

 Let me be quick to add though. Since Christians love the grace of the gospel. When they have been sinned against, in the case of a spouse’s adultery. When they live in the challenging circumstances of a mixed marriage. What do I mean by a mixed marriage? I mean a Christian married to a non-Christian, mixed marriage.

 When Christians have been sinned against, in the case of a spouse’s adultery against them or in the case of a difficult, challenging marriage to a non-Christian, the Christian impulse is always to stick with it. And it’s for the sake of the salvation of that sinning or that unbelieving spouse. Christians love the grace of the gospel. They want to see the grace triumphant and God magnified and glorified. So they go through the pain, stick with it.

 Matthew 5, sermon on the Mount, verse 31, Jesus is sighting popular, yet holy, unfaithful teaching of the scribes and the Pharisees. And he sets their teaching in contrast to his own very clear, very authoritative commentary on the law. Matthew 5:31, “It was also said.” What’s he referring to? He’s referring to popular teaching at the time among the scribes and the Pharisees. It was said by your religious authorities by the people in charge. It was said, “Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.”

That was their, that was their summary counsel on the matter. “But I say to you,” verse 32, “Everyone who divorces his wife except on the ground of sexual immorality.” The practice of porneia. It’s a broad term, won’t get all the details of that right now, except on the ground of Porneia, makes her commit adultery. Why? Because she’s in a context like that.

 When a wife needs a husband provision. She’s gotta get remarried. You’re forcing her into a situation of adultery. Jesus says, he makes her commit adultery and then whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Very similar to Luke 16:18. Obviously lot of little details in these cases of marital unfaithfulness.

 Now is not the time that I can address all those adequately. Let me simply say this. A Christian does not say, when he or she is sinned against, in this case of adultery, look any sin of porneia against me, any sin of sexual immorality against me, any hint of sexual sin, any adultery, any hurt, perpetrated against me by my spouse, I am gone. You crossed that line in this marriage, buddy. I’m out of here.

 That is not a Christian impulse. The Christian impulse is to love. It’s to practice the grace of God. Means confronting the sin. Yeah. Speaking truthfully about all that. Yes, in love. Hopes for a confession of sin and the seeking and granting of forgiveness. That sets a foundation for reconciliation. That is the basis on which trust can be built. Credibility restored.

 It takes time. It’s difficult. But it can happen. After the initial shock of adultery and hurt and pain is passed. When Christians come to themselves, sure, they may not react well, the first instance. When they come to themselves, Christians don’t want divorce, not even in cases of adultery against themselves. They want to see grace triumph over sin. They get it.

 God’s been gracious to me in my sin. I want to practice this toward my spouse, my erring spouse. One of the deepest joys I’ve had as a pastor is in this. After knowing the depth of sin that I’ve seen in marriages. After I’ve seen the length and the breadth of the betrayal. The perverseness of the immorality. The degree of pain and sorrow that it’s caused. The consequences, which can be manifold.

 To see offending spouses, recognize their sin. To see them express profound remorse over the hurt and the offense, that they’ve caused, by their sin. And then confess that sin and commit to repentance. And then to see the offended spouses, on the other side of it struggle. But learn to forgive. And embrace that spouse back, even through the hurt and the pain and the sadness.

 Folks to see those couples now. And I can picture them in my mind’s eye, right now. To see what God has done in their marriages and their lives. It’s nothing short of miraculous, to see that. To see the joyful partnership that they share, right now, in gospel ministry together. That all the goodness of God has put into their marriage now, has totally eclipsed all that sin. See the triumph of grace over the depth of sin.

 The defilement of adultery, and all these other sins. Listen every Christian loves that. Every Christian loves the grace of the gospel. Not all situations turn out like that. In some cases, what seems like remorse at first, what seems like godly sorrow, what seems like true repentance, at first blush, overtime, time can prove that sincerity was false. When the adultery continues. When the offended Christian works through the situation with the elders of the church and it’s not changing.

 The elders, then embrace that situation. Get involved in that situation. They work through the normal process of church discipline and they adjudicate that situation biblically. The goal is to resolve the situation righteously and protect the conscience of the offended party. To help the offended party, be pleasing to the Lord. And provide freedom for the innocent. To love the Christian through the trial of this injustice being done.

 Elders get into that work. Christians get into that work. Not promising that if you love the grace of the gospel and you wanna stay, even when your spouse is committed some sin like this against you, I’m not promising the outcome. I am promising that if you walk biblically, you can be God’s kind of man or God’s kind of woman in the middle of that trial, and you can please him. That’s what I can promise you. Leave the results to him. I’ve seen it go both ways.

 Now turn  1 Corinthians chapter seven, and here’s the other exception. You could say exception clause in 1 Corinthians seven. Consider the case of a mixed marriage. The case of abandonment of the marriage by an unbelieving spouse. Got a Christian married to a non-Christian. Non-Christian says, you know what I’m done fed up. I don’t like you. Don’t like your religion. Don’t like your church. Don’t like your God. Don’t like those people. They’re kooky. I’m out of here and they leave.

After telling Christians to stay married in 1 Corinthians 7:10 to 11. Paul writes this in verse 12, “to the rest I say,” to the rest, that is, those who are not married. And he says, “I say this and (I not the Lord).” What’s he mean by that? Here he’s saying this is not something that the Lord has taught in his own earthly ministry, but it’s something that I, as an apostle am now teaching by the authority of the Lord.

By the authority, apostolic authority, apostolic revelation. This is a revelation of God, the spirit, given to me. This doctrine is by Apostolic revelation, by the authority of the Lord. Here’s the doctrine, verse 12, “If any brother has a wife who’s an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who’s an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.”

 Here’s the reasoning. “For the unbelieving husband has made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been made holy because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.”

 What does that mean? Via doesn’t mean a non-Christian marrying a Christian all of a sudden, boom, they’re saved. No, that’s not what holiness means, here, obviously. Because then he wouldn’t have to even have this command of instruction of a mixed marriage. They’d both be united in marriage in the Lord, right?

 What he means by holy, he’s saying, because of the believer, in that mixed marriage, the unbelieving spouse and any unbelieving children, they are under the influence of the gospel, in that marriage, in that home. Those unbelievers are recipients of God’s blessing upon the believer. Those unbelievers have the benefit of godly wisdom, of biblical insight, of practical spiritual knowledge that comes through that believer in the home. They are under the holiness, the sanctifying influence of that believer. That believer in that unbelieving home is powerful.

 Once again, Christians realize, in a mixed marriage situation, it’s an opportunity for the grace of the gospel to work its power in the lives of unbelievers. Whether spouses or children, Christians love seeing that. Paul goes on to say, “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved.” He’s not bound.

It means that Christians no longer bound that marriage covenant, is now free to remarry. Verse 39, “Only in the Lord,” principle. End of verse 15, is because “God has called you to peace. Or how do you know, oh wife, whether you will save your husband? How do you know a husband, whether you will save your wife?” Don’t keep chasing him with a Bible in your hand. If they’re running away, you let him run.

 Again, due to the thorny issues that are involved in these situations. And due to the complex, complicating, mitigating factors, in all these situations, due to the personal subjective nature of the hurt involved, it is prudent to get the elders of the church involved in cases. In either case, whether it’s adultery or sexual sin or whether it’s the proposed abandonment of an unbeliever. In fact, I would, I would go as far to say, this very strong statement, that it’s sinfully foolish not to involve the elders in that situation. Foolish. Sinfully so. If a Christian, going through a situation like that, bottles it up, hides it, and kind of continues on, and goes through their whole deal on their own.

 I wanna add here, though, at the same time, that I recognize and I recognize this with sadness in my heart, with righteous indignation in my heart, over this, that, what so many of you have faced. But there are pastors and elders who will refuse to help Christians who come to them with these kinds of problems. And they refer them out to professional counseling centers. Or they refer them out to, worse, to family attorneys, to divorce lawyers. They’ve absolutely abrogated and shirked their duty as shepherds to shepherd the sheep.

What does shepherding the sheep look like, if it’s not to help him out of a mud pit? Why would a shepherd send their sheep outside the fold, into the viper’s nest of a lawyer’s office, to be devoured by ravenous wolves? Godless psychology trained counselors and divorce lawyers. Why would a Shephard do that? It’s unconscionable. Sadly, tragically, not all churches are pastored by shepherds.

 I even have to say that not all conservative reformed churches are pastored by shepherds. Don’t just look at the website. Look at their doctrinal statement. Here’s a, here’s the confession they subscribe to and go be discerning. Listen, the Lord knows what you’ve been through. He sees the plight of his sheep that they are often scattered and wandering, like sheep without a shepherd.

 You gotta know that even in sins you’ve committed. Listen, the Lord’s heart is full of compassion and all those situations. Still, it is wisdom to pursue the council of pastors and elders and sinful folly not to. So, more we could say. I got to stop there. Two exceptions to the permanency of the marital union of one man, one woman, for life. In cases of unrepentant adultery. And in cases when an unbeliever abandons the marriage. And in those cases, as long as they are biblically adjudicated, the believer is no longer bound to that covenant of marriage. The covenant was broken by the will of another, and you cannot control the will of another. Christians free to remarry without concern about committing an act of adultery and remarriage.

That brings us to a final point. Turnover to Ephesians chapter 5, Ephesians chapter 5. You should, if you’re married, especially, you should be very familiar with Ephesians 5 and if you’re not, man, may God have mercy on your sin sick soul. Wife, if your husband doesn’t know Ephesians 5, you come tell me. Husband same for you. Come tell me if your wife doesn’t know Ephesians 5. But Ephesians 5:22 to 33. That’s the section Paul, the end of Paul’s doctrine on Christian marriage. He goes back full instruction here. He goes back to God’s original design for marriage. Just as we’ve done, to Genesis chapter one and two and Gods’ design there. Christians love that design for marriage. And Paul does too. He rejoices in it. And we find, in this text, an even higher purpose for marriage, that was not known until the gospel of Christ was revealed.

 Here’s what he says, verse 28, “Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He loves his wife, loves himself.” He’s taking an implication from the one flesh union described in Genesis chapter 2. And then this, “For no one ever hated his own flesh but he nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

 And note this, verse 32, “This mystery is profound, and I’m saying that it,” what?  The mystery, “refers to Christ and the church.” Paul identifies this purpose for marriage as a mystery. What’s a mystery? Biblically speaking, a mystery is a truth that had always been there, but it had once been veiled, obscured. In the Old Testament, veiled, obscured or hidden. It was not known. Revealed, made unobscured, shining, brightly in progressive revelation until it was, sort of like, the revelation of Christ in his historical reality. Kind of revelation caught up to that. Worked out the implications of that in the New Testament.

So, there’s the, if I could call it this, the Christ event. Christ happened. Christ came. He’s a historical reality. Born, lived, died, buried, rose from the dead, ascended into heaven. That historical reality. And then the implications of that New Testament revelation. All of a sudden, we see new things showing up. Great light has shined and we’re working the way out of it. So what Paul is saying, is marriage we see in a different light, because of Christ. Paul says the one flesh union between the man, one man, one woman. That union now refers to symbolically Christ and the church.

 The man in the marital union is now to act, in some ways, as Christ has toward his church. He shows sacrificial, sanctifying love, verses 25 to 27, “Men love their wives as themselves as their own bodies.” Verses 28 to 30, So Christ is done. Go back to verse 22, the wife, in the marital union, she’s to act in some ways as the church does toward Christ, submitting to his headship, in verses 22 to 24. Showing him respect as her head, as her authority, in verse 33. Yes wives, that means how you speak to your husband, not just what you say. That’s just basic marital instruction. That’s marriage 101 stuff.

 And the connection, to our point, is to say, this is a major reason, this is a huge reason, why Christians don’t divorce. We love the fact that our marriages can paint a picture of Christ and his love for the church in society. We love to have the opportunity to demonstrate that and live that out.

 Portray that in our own particular marriages. You say, how do I do that in an imperfect marriage, to this imperfect spouse? Well, point that finger back the other way. Christ is the only perfect partner in the union between Christ and the church, but that doesn’t diminish the reality of that union, does it? Doesn’t destroy the picture that the church is imperfect.

 It’s the perfection of Christ that preserves the picture and makes it effectual. Same goes for those of you in mixed marriages, where you’re married to a non-Christian. Listen, you can still do your part. This is what the joy is. You can still be obedient in your role. And portray the relationship and the union of Christ and his bride, the church, that he died to purchase with his own blood.

 As long as one partner in the marriage is a Christian, that’s you Christian. You have the privilege of doing your part to portray that beautiful living picture of redemption and relationship. It is significant. It’s meaningful. It’s something that can’t be denied in the way you act as a married person. Christians love to practice God’s Holiness. God’s design. God’s grace. God’s gospel.

Having said that, I realized that there are Christians, true Christians who have divorced. Maybe you’re even wondering, in your own mind, if your past attitudes about divorce. Maybe your divorce and your past and your remarriage or whatever. Maybe you’re wondering if that reveals something to you about your spiritual condition. Now you’re asking yourself some hard questions. It’s actually a good thing. The truth never hides just the truth of the word. Embrace that. Lean into it and let’s, let’s get down to the bottom of it. I just want to encourage you, if you’re asking questions.

 I don’t take pleasure in troubling you. Troubling your conscience. I do take pleasure in lifting the burdens on your conscience. So don’t wonder in silence. Don’t, you don’t need to navigate the issues of conscience and these issues of righteousness and the thorny issues of marriage, divorce and remarriage alone. Don’t do it alone.

 The elders of this church would love to help you think through those issues. I asked them this morning. They said they would be willing to do that. So that’s really nice. I had no doubt though. I, along with some of the elder elders, whether they did that in, you know, helped in this church or in other churches, we have helped Christians through some very thorny issues related to marriage, divorce and remarriage, in our experience.

 And we know that it’s not a one size fits all. There’s mitigating factors and all that. And we just, I just want you to know, we rejoice to help people apply the healing balm of the gospel, to salve a troubled conscience. We love to help you work through confession and repentance, where necessary, and define God’s grace of forgiveness and healing and restoration. So that you, to promote your confidence in the gospel and strength in the Lord.

 Divorce and remarriage, adultery, other related sins. Yeah, they’re serious sins, but they’re not unforgivable sins. Gospel of Jesus Christ. His atoning death on the cross to pay the eternal debt that we owe for all of our sins. It’s about his righteous life. It’s about his righteousness. It covers all of us who believe. His gospel is absolutely perfect. It’s wholly sufficient. It is good news to save you to the uttermost. Forgive us. Cleanse us. Purify for God, a people who are zealous for good works.

 So, let’s resolve, as Christians together, shall we. To stop believing the lies and the propaganda. To stop proliferating the lies about divorce and remarriage. Let’s tell the truth with one another and with others. Let’s stop proliferating the sin of divorce; divorce, remarriage, adultery, all the rest. That was Moses’s concern, to arrest, to stop the defilement, and the spread of sin. That’s Jesus concerned to. To see that we walk in holiness according to Gods wise design. In his grace. In keeping with his gospel. Let’s do that together, all right? Let’s do that together.

 Bow with me in a word of prayer. Our father, we know that your heart is always tender and kind to those who are repentant to those who fear you and love you and want to come near to you to walk in holiness and truth.

And so, we just ask for your grace, especially in a message like this. That your Grace would not only provoke the conscience and stir the conscience to think profoundly about these issues. But that the grace of your gospel would come to apply the balm and the salve of forgiveness and healing and repentance, restoration.

 We a, we rejoice to do that together, Father, as elders ministering to the church here. And if there are other mature saints ministering to the church, we just ask that no one would suffer in silence. But everybody would come to the, come to the light and let’s deal with these issues in the light.

 We thank you for your love for us. We thank you for the gift of marriage. We thank you for your grace even in divorce, even in divorce and remarriage. We ask you for your help to work through the consequences of our sins. It should be merciful to us. Shield us where you can and give us strength where we need to go through consequences. We love you so much, father. We thank you for the salvation that we share in Christ. It’s in his name we pray Amen.