God Made Marriage for Goodness, Part 1 | What Makes Marriage So Good

Genesis 1-2

We set up the series last time by addressing what is really a, a mistake that many people make by coming into marriage with a set of false assumptions or a set of false expectations, and maybe the chief among those false assumptions and expectations: The chief among those is marriage will make me happy. We said that God created marriage to be an institution to form and shape the individual. So, when an individual, man or woman, comes into a marriage, which is a formative institution and he or she expects to shape that institution and form that institution around their own desires for personal happiness, that person is heading into a life of disappointment and frustration. It’s not that wanting to be happy is wrong, per se. It’s that people operate with a worldly definition of happiness. And we could say that they kind of put the cart before the horse. They want the results of a holy life without the holy life. They want the happiness, without the holiness.

So, if we start in thinking about happiness and embrace God’s definition of happiness, and if we embrace God’s pathway to happiness, then happiness is really a byproduct of holiness. Then we’re going to live by God’s design and find both things: happiness through holiness. If we don’t do that, we don’t embrace God’s definitions. If we don’t submit to God’s ways, we’re gonna forfeit both happiness and holiness.

Happiness, blessedness is accessible to anyone, in any condition, married or unmarried. The happiness that the Bible describes, the happiness that the Bible promotes and promises, it’s not a worldly form of happiness. Worldly happiness is superficial. It’s fickle. It’s changing. It’s a fleeting thing. Worldly happiness is always in flux, because it’s situation dependent.

Marriage is the first institution that God created. It’s the institution of marriage that promotes human happiness. But we have to embrace the biblical understanding of happiness. We have to embrace the pathway to happiness. It’s a byproduct of holiness and when we do that, when we embrace those things, we’re on the right track, because it’s holiness that marriage is designed to promote. It’s holiness that marriage, when we accept it as a formative institution to shape us, to govern us, marriage promotes holiness.

 Now remember God created marriage for a world that was without sin. He created marriage as the first formative institution. The first institution and a formative institution, he created that prior to the fall. God created mankind in his own image, male and female. He created him without sin. He created man and woman in holiness and righteousness of the truth. God created Adam and Eve, two individual human beings. He joined them together in marriage, uniting them in marriage, as what would form them. What would shape each individual with working with the other and bring about maturity and holiness.

So, this formative institution of marriage and family, it is a good gift from God. It’s there to mold the mutable creature, to shape and mature couples together. It was given to ensure blessing, and flourishing, and happiness. That couple and also the children and then the grandchildren, and then all posterity, and that effects and influences all of society, doesn’t it? That’s what God designed for Adam and Eve from the very beginning. That’s the design.

Here’s the first point, we said we need to build our marriages according to God’s design, that starts with laying a foundation. So, number one, we said, set the foundation according together. “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens, and over the livestock, and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female, he created them. Then God bless them and God said to them, be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” That’s where the structure is revealed in this foundation that God set.

And the foundation we said last time is to understand the teleology of marriage, the purpose for which marriage was created. What is the end of marriage? What’s the goal? What’s the purpose of it? That’s the foundation that we set. That’s the rock on which we stand when we build a marriage together is to understand why. Why does it exist? We started in verse 26 answering that question. “God said let us make man in our image after our likeness.” That verse reveals that the chief end of marriage is to glorify God. God stamped his image upon us, upon man, upon woman, so that we might glorify him and so, we, as individual human beings and, then, as married human beings, we exist to glorify God, to image God in the earth.

Also, we see part of this foundation that we set. God created man and woman united them in marriage to represent God. If the chief end of marriage is to glorify God, the chief occupation in marriage is to represent God. That’s what it is to have dominion, verse 26, to exercise dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the heavens, the livestock, over all the earth, and over every creeping thing. We see that repeated in verse 28. We represent God by exercising dominion over the creatures of the sea, the air, and the land. So, the chief end of marriage is to glorify God. And the chief occupation of marriage is to represent God.

 We can add to that, that the chief joy of marriage is to perpetuate the image of God. The first hint of a sexual union in marriage is in Genesis 1:28. “God said to them, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” So, the sexual union here is, its purpose is set right here before anymore unpacking of what sex is for or any hint of it at the end of Genesis Chapter 2.

 The sexual union’s purpose is for procreation. It’s to be fruitful, to multiply, to fill the earth. Perpetuating the image of God throughout the earth means, it really means the spreading of God’s goodness. It really means perpetuating his image and filling the earth with his image, filling it, multiplying, being fruitful means spreading his blessing throughout all the earth. By perpetuating his image, his glory, we convey and communicate God’s blessedness to all the creatures of the earth, and we do that from generation to generation to generation all over the earth.

That’s the teleology of marriage. That is the purpose for which God created marriage. Marriage is an institution that is to shape, to form, to mature the individual. It teaches men to be men, women to be women and its chief end is to glorify God. Its chief occupation is to represent God on the earth and its chief joy is to perpetuate the image and glory of God throughout the earth, spreading his blessing throughout the earth.

Next, we see that the goodness of God in this structure is when we, and here’s a second point, we mentioned last time, number two, we build the house according to God’s design. So, we’ve set a foundation according to God’s design, and now we are going to build the house according to God’s design and for this point we looked at Genesis 2 and following. We looked at the way God created Adam and Eve and there are two basic patterns in the way that God arranged marriage, in the way he created them, the way he organized the constituent elements of marriage, Adam and Eve, and how he brought them together.

 So, we might call this the formative organization of marriage. The way it’s organized gives form and shape, the way it’s structured forces a certain shape, a certain form. So, when we examine the way that God organized marriage, the way he structured it, we see two patterns emerge here, Patterns of authority and patterns of intimacy. It’s by practicing these patterns of authority and intimacy that marriage accomplishes its telos, that it realizes its purpose.

When we practice these patterns, marriage does what God designed marriage to do. When we practice a pattern of authority in our marriage and a pattern of intimacy in our marriage, marriage does what God designed it to do. Got into the first pattern last time, the pattern of authority which we see in how God created Adam, before he created Eve. He created him before he created Eve and then he did a lot with Adam before Eve came on the earth. It’s significant because this shows us that God intended Adam for the role of leader from the very beginning. He intended Adam for the role of teacher from the very beginning, to be the authority in the marriage, and then he intended Eve to be Adams’ compliment, his partner, a helper, who corresponds to him. So, by creating Adam before Eve, God has established a pattern to expose Adam to the world, to introduce the world to him, to help him to learn things about the world, to teach him, and that teaching pattern goes from God to Adam and then from Adam to his wife, to Eve.

 That’s the same pattern we’re to practice in our own lives in marriages. After God created Adam in Genesis 2:7, you just let your eyes scan the text there. God created Adam in Genesis 2:7. He introduced Adam to the world in, in Genesis 2:8-14. We see that exposure to the world. That’s again, all this is before Eve was created and then God, verse 15, God gave Adam his work assignment, told him to work the garden to keep it.

Again, that’s before Eve was created, and then we see another significant before Eve was created, something that God exposed Adam to in verses 16 and 17, God draws Adams’ attention to two things. First in verse 16, to his generous provision and then in verse 17, secondly, the priority of devotion to God. That’s accompanied this issue of devotion, setting a priority on devotion to God above all other things, it’s accompanied by a severe warning.

 Look what it says there in verses 16 and 17, Genesis chapter 2, “The Lord God commanded the man, saying, ‘You may surely eat of every tree in the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.’” Verse 16, it’s “You may surely eat.” Surely you can eat of every tree in the garden. Don’t miss the magnanimity of that. Don’t miss the, the goodness in that. There’s an entire world filled with vegetation. Things that sprout and produce fruit. And God is saying, have at it, enjoy everything, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat of it: one tree. In the day you eat of it, you shall surely die.

What’s God doing here? Two things, first and foremost, God is setting up Adams’ probation. God is setting up a testing for Adam in his role as federal head, in his role of representing the entire human race. This is a test for Adam and Eve, but Adam is in focus here. And against the backdrop of God’s magnanimous, generous provision God adds a single restriction. One little prohibition. One little no. One little tree among the innumerable trees bearing plentitude of good food, all kinds of taste.

Remember this is the pre-fall world, everything is organic, no pesticides, nothing. All to eat. All to enjoy. All to nourish the body. All to rejoice the palate. One little tree. One little tree. Right, you’d tell your kids you can have at it the whole house, just see this room over here. Don’t go in that room. Got mommies sewing stuff, dads, you know, tools or whatever. Where do you think that kids gonna go soon as you’re out of the house? Right, one little restriction. One little tree.

 This is a test. A test, to prove the priority of devotion in this first couple and for Adam in particular. Will Adam put God first or not? Will Adam magnify God’s goodness in this or will he magnify God’s restriction in this? What will be emphasized in his heart? As we said, happiness comes through holiness and holiness comes through being properly and righteously aligned in our hearts. So it’s always God first and then one another. It’s God first, his heart. He, the heart of the giver. It’s him first and then it’s what he gives.

This issue of holiness, this issue, this matter of righteously aligning our priorities. It’s no trifling matter either. An element of danger, of grave danger is introduced into this perfect pre-fall world. There’s a warning here about the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, which you shall not eat for in that day you eat of it, you shall surely die and the warning here is about a misplaced devotion. It’s about misaligned priorities. It’s about divided loyalties. God uses this warning to teach Adam about his holiness, about what’s most important. We understand this, don’t we? We can see the tests that God gave Adam. This is a test that you and I walked through every single day. Will we elevate in our minds God’s goodness? Will we magnify his goodness or his restriction?

 When we magnify the fact that we, that God is worthy of our worship and praise and honor and glory, and will we rejoice in him or are we neglectful of him. Does he go out of our minds as we just enjoy what he’s given? And that’s really all we want. See, that’s what’s in the test there in the garden. God also uses this warning to teach Adam about how he’s to use his own authority. God teaches Adam that having knowledge. This knowledge that God has given him in Genesis 2:16-17. He teaches Adam that having this knowledge is not to be inert or passive in his life. Knowing the truth comes with responsibility. Knowing the truth comes with a duty to teach the truth, to pass it on, because it’s a matter of life and death.

 In Genesis 2:16-17, God is preparing Adam to be Eve’s husband and God is preparing Adam to lead her, preparing Adam to guide her, to teach her so. Together they’re going to enjoy the world that God gave him. God is preparing Adam to be Eve’s teacher, to pass on to Eve everything that he has learned from God. And in preparing Adam to be his wife’s teacher, her leader, her authority, God goes right to the heart of it and starts with the base thing of motivation. He’s making sure that Adam is motivated by love for his wife, concern for his wife.

So, this warning about this very dangerous tree, this is going to awaken Adams’ love and concern for the wife he has yet to meet. Who would want this wife that’s brought to him to, to die by eating the wrong tree? It’s going to be motivated from the heart to say, I gotta tell her. I gotta warn her, I gotta pointer to the right stuff to eat and that one wrong thing. So, he’s motivated by love. That’s the way we’re to use our authority.

Men in the home, women in the places that God gives you authority. This is how we use our authority as out of love, out of concern. Now with Adam ready to receive a wife, God raises this sense of need. Adam sense of lack. Adam sense of want. He raises this in Adam’s mind. Look at Genesis 2:18. “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” In the world that is all good, this is the first not good aspect of it. It’s Adams aloneness. It’s the fact that he is without a wife. He’s without a fitting suitable helper to be by his side to be with him. God emphasizes his need by having Adam, then name all the animals.

 Genesis 2:19, and then by the end of verse 20, the point is made, “But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.” Again, what are we seeing here? What does this have to do with building our marriages according to God’s design? What is this pattern of authority, Adam created first and then Eve. What does it have to do with building our own marriages? First, God established a pattern of authority by creating Adam first. God exposed Adam to his world, his environment. He assigned him his work. He revealed the danger. This area of concern. He magnified his goodness in the midst of that. He taught him to exercise a selfless authority, naming all the animals in view of his role of exercising dominion over them. He categorizes them. He gets familiar with what he’s to rule over, to what he’s exercised dominion over. All this comes before Eve ever comes on the scene before she’s even created. So that’s the pattern of authority creating Adam first.

 Secondly, God instilled in this pattern of authority the mindset of a teacher. As God taught Adam about his world. Adam is going to do the same thing for Eve. The only creature among all the creatures that corresponds to him who’s able to receive his teaching he’s going to introduce her to everything. The bond of a teacher to a student is based on the joy of the exchange of truth. The imparting of truth, the exchange of ideas, the back and forth of learning that creates a bond between teacher and student. The bond of the student to the teacher is based on the appreciation for learning the truth. Receiving and understanding the truth.

Ladies, you want to know how to make your husband’s heart soar: Like listening to what he teaches you. Don’t be critical. Don’t put him down for what he’s messed up. Don’t make him feel it when he gets something wrong. Rejoice in the fact that he’s trying, that he loves you, that he wants to pass on things to you. Listen, learn, interact, exchange ideas, you will make him feel like a billion dollars.

God introduced to Adam the bountiful goodness of the world, as well as a potential danger of the world and why did he do that? Because he loves Adam. He loves him. God wants Adam to avoid the inherent danger that comes with the world. That is, to love God’s good gifts rather than loving the good giver. God knows that’s a problem. Everything he creates is perfect and beautiful and lovely. It attracts attention and so he creates all these things and he realizes that the heart of a creature might be drawn to the created thing.

So, he exposes Adam to the danger, tells him to avoid that danger, in order that he might enjoy God’s full goodness, the bounty of his creativity. To be in communion with God first and then his wife. The two of them enjoying the goodness of God together in the world that he created them to enjoy. And so, in the same way, and it’s for the same reason that Adam is to do the same thing for his wife. He’s to be motivated by the same love that God has shown to him. It’s a love that warns about the danger of disobeying God. It’s a love that points to the goodness of God. First in the worship of the God who is good and then in the grateful enjoyment of all that God has given.

So much more we could say about that, but that’s just a brief look at one basic pattern, the formative organization of marriage. It is a pattern here of authority, and when husband and wife practiced this pattern together in their marriage, they will learn to fulfill God’s intention for their marriage, to glorify and represent him, and perpetuate God’s image throughout the earth and baked into this cake, so to speak, is the happiness and blessing of God. It promotes holiness in the fear of God. It puts God first and then a human being, and then all of God’s goodness besides.

Those who neglect this pattern of authority, reversing that order, when they neglect the pattern of authority in marriage. They do so to their own detriment, to their own sorrow. They severely compromise the ability to glorify, represent, perpetuate God’s image. They forfeit the promise of happiness and blessing. They let it all go.

Men, this is how you should use the authority and the knowledge God gave to you. You have a responsibility to pass on what you know to your wife. You can’t just let her go. You can’t just overlook her sin. You can’t just neglect to deal with her emotions when they get out of control. You must help her. You must take the things that you know from God’s word, the things that God has taught you. Which means first of all, you must be a student of God’s word.

You have to delve deeply into God’s word for yourself and learn it and know it and worship God, love him from your heart and then out of that plentitude of learning and understanding and devotion and obedience to God. Then you pass that on to your wife. Why? But you’re going to lord it over her? No! Because you want her to enjoy all of God’s goodness, all of God’s blessing.

Men don’t be selfish. Don’t be a cul-de-sac of knowledge. Where knowledge goes in, then just kind of swirls around the cul-de-sac. You’d be a conduit of knowledge. But everything that flows through you and flows through your heart you benefit your wife. You help her. You love her. You cherish her. You appreciate the gift that she is to you. Help her to be a good helpmeet to you. Help her by being that formative influence in her life.