Marriage and the unmarried Christian, Part 2 | Marriage and the Unmarried Christian

Selected Scriptures

Now, in the first six chapters of 1 Corinthians. Paul has confronted and corrected various sins. Sins that had been reported to him. And as we get into the second half of the letter, Paul is answering questions that have come to him from the church. There’s a literary marker that you can see. Actually in most translations, right there at the beginning of Chapter 7, it says, in verse 1, “now concerning,” that’s the marker. “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote.” That marker “now concerning,” that’s a marker that we can follow all the way through the rest of the letter, because he’s answering questions that have come up. You can trace that marker through the rest of the letter. Down in verse 25, of the same chapter. ‘Now concerning’, verse, chapter 8 verse 1, chapter 12 verse 1, 16:1, 16:12, now concerning, now concerning, now concerning, and on and on it goes.

 So, there are two of those kind of markers in this chapter. Verse 1, verse 25, which means that, basically, Paul is addressing two questions, here, in this chapter, that the Corinthians wrote to him about. The first question is this: Should we continue having conjugal relations in marriage, verse 1? Kind of a host of related questions to marriage and marital status and then another question in verse 25. Basically, should engaged couples follow through and consummate their marriage? So, should married couples change things and should those who are anticipating marriage; should they wait, hold off, or go ahead with their marriage? Those are the two questions Corinthians wrote, to Paul, asking for pastoral advice.

Asking for pastoral wisdom on those questions. And we might want to ask the question. It’s a good question to ask. Why would married couples wonder whether or not they should be engaged in something like that? In their God given gift of conjugal relations, why would they, why would they ask that question? Why would engaged couples question whether they should follow through on the marriage? I mean, if you’re questioning that, shouldn’t you just call it off?

 So, why did they ask these questions? One of the interpretive keys to figuring out what prompted the questions in the first place is figuring out what Paul means in verse 26 by this little term, the present distress. If you identify that, in verse 26, that’s the question. What is the present distress? What is Paul referring to there?

Bruce Winter, formerly of Tyndale House, Cambridge, he wrote extensively about the social situation, after Paul left the city of Corinth on his second missionary journey. Acts 18:18, talks about him ending that time in Corinth, after a year and a half a ministry there, and Bruce Winter has found a lot of evidence, of what happened after Paul left Corinth, which actually plays into some of the issues that we see covered in 1 Corinthians.

In this particular case, it was due to, there was due to, a famine that afflicted the entire Roman Empire. There was a severe grain shortage that hit the city of Corinth. Corinth was a, really, a city of commerce. It was a bustling town. A bustling city. But the city relied on grain that was grown on the outskirts of the city. So, a bad crop not only affected the city’s food supply, but it also affected the quotas that they needed to fulfill, in their obligations to the Roman Empire and if there was a famine throughout the Roman Empire and a crop shortage in Corinth, those two things didn’t mix well at all.

 There was pressure in coming from the empire and there was pressure even in the heart of the city, as well. Rome didn’t care who had a bad crop. They needed to feed all those politicians, right? Grain shortages create such an incredible social and political tension and in, locally, that could be turned into brutal violence in town, at the local level.

 So, there’s pressure from Rome, imperial pressure. There’s a responsibility to provide food for hungry citizens, as well, locally. Threat of violence from angry mobs, rioting, that could break out at any time. All of this is happening when the Corinthians wrote to Paul asking him these questions.

 So, it clarifies a bit of the historical background that explains the language Paul uses here. A reference here to, the present distress, this is the kind of social unrest that prompted the church to ask Paul some of these questions, that we find in the letter.

Some were wondering whether the normal practice of daily married life still mattered, in light of, in view of, the present distress. Now, that bit of background, we can extract several principles from this chapter and they instruct us really, on living an intentional Christian life. No matter what our marital status is. No matter what our situation. No matter our circumstances.

 Here’s the first principle. First, the principle of stability. The principle of stability. That is to say, no matter what is going on around you don’t be prone to changing things. Don’t be those associated with or those given to change. Don’t be revolutionaries. Don’t make that your first instinct, is to go grab your guns and revolt. Don’t be prone to change. Be stable Christians and this applies to the married and the unmarried alike. Be stable Christians. So, verses 1 to 5, husbands and wives are not to deprive one another in conjugal relations. Don’t change that. Keep practicing your marriage, for the sake of promoting holiness, in the stability of a healthy marriage.

 Be stable Christians. Verses 6 to 9, Paul addresses, two kinds of unmarried Christians. He talks about the divorced and he talks about the widowed. Look at verse 6. He says, “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am, but each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another, to the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.”

 Notice how Paul here counts himself a member of this group, he’s writing to. The prevailing view, says Paul was married, at some point in his life. He was, his wife died most likely before we meet him in the, on the pages of Scripture, the first time in Acts, but Paul is a widower. And Paul uses himself in his own situation as an example to those who have been previously married. To those who have been married before, he says to them, I know what you’re going through, I know how it feels, I’ve experienced both conditions, married and unmarried; now unmarried, and I’m telling you, stay single. Stay single.

 We’ll get to his reasoning about that in just a moment, but let’s keep on track with this for the moment. In verses 10 to 16, Paul addresses the married. He’s, his message to the married, no matter if you’ve got a believing or unbelieving spouse, the message to the married is stay married, as far as it depends on you, as long as you have a spouse, stay married. Be stable. Don’t make changes.

 Same message, whether married, divorced, widowed, don’t try to change your situation, be stable, be steadfast, serve the Lord as an unmarried Christian or a married Christian. Stay stable. Paul repeats the principle three times in the next section. I’m just going to abbreviate it for the sake of time. But look at verse 17, he lays down the principle, “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.”

That is to say, I’m not just talking to you Corinthians, in your present distress. This is a rule that I pass out on all the churches that I minister to. Stay where you are. Be stable. Don’t make changes. Circumcised or uncircumcised, don’t try to change a thing. Serve the Lord the way you are, where you are, in the situation you’re in. Verse 20, again, he repeats the same principle. “Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called.” Then he applies the principle to social statuses, “slave or freed man.” If you can gain your freedom though, verse 21, hey, avail yourself of the opportunity. But, ultimately, social status, slave or free, neither helps nor hinders your spiritual service to God in Christ.

 He comes back a third time, verse 24, “so, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.” What’s the point? Why all this repetition about stability? About not changing? We have, don’t we, such a natural tendency to think that these external factors matter? Social status, financial status, work situation, marital status, we believe those things what, that matter way too much; way more than they actually do in our service to Christ.

 But listen, none of those external factors matter in the final analysis, not in the ultimate sense. You can serve God, as a Christian just as effectively in one as in the other. In fact, Paul was very effective in his ministry, his service to God in Christ as an unmarried man chained to Roman guards, sitting and languishing in a prison. A revival broke out.

Listen, God can do anything. Do not limit God because of your, your own limitations. Judging by things your eyes can see. By, by what your sentiment or you’re feeling drifts toward. Don’t limit God by that. Married or unmarried, listen, embrace the life God has given you. Learn to live by this principle of stability. Don’t let yourself be unsettled. Don’t let your hearts be ill at ease. Don’t always try to change things. Believing that a change of status improves your sanctification, it doesn’t. At the heart of this principle, is stability.

 Write down the word contentment. Contentment. Are you content with God and God alone? Are you content with the Lord? Are you content with what he has given and are you content with what he has withheld? Are you content with his timing? Are you content with where he’s brought you in life? Are you content about the working, outworking of his providence in your life and your family and your situation?

 Are you content? When you long for what he has not given, when you pine for what he has withheld, you fail to enjoy what he has actually given you. You turn your eyes away from his many kindnesses, and you become ungrateful and resentful and bitter. Your hearts drift into complaining and grumbling, accusing God, as it were of injustice. You entertain lying thoughts about his character. You turn your eyes away from all the actual things that he’s done for you. All the signs of his kindness and goodness and faithfulness and love for you. Thereby robbing your own soul of its contentment and gratitude and joy. Ah, Christian, don’t do that.

Don’t do that. Pursue stability. Cultivate faithfulness. Psalm 37 says this, “Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.” That is be stable. Stay put. Do the same godly disciplines every single day. Do it every day for a long period of time. You know what comes out of that? God brings fruit. God blesses. “Delight yourself in the Lord, he’ll give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust also in him, he will do it. He’ll bring forth your righteousness as the light, your judgment as the noon day. Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him.” Beloved, do that. Be stable Christians.

 Be discerning Christians, Proverbs 17:24. “Set your face toward wisdom.” Be stable, intentional Christians. Now Paul turns to a second question. As I said, in verse 25, about Christians anticipating marriage. Those are the betrothed that was the kind of social situation in Paul’s day. We would say these are those who were engaged to be married. But betrothal, in their day, was kind of a very much strengthened version of engagement or maybe a weakened version of marriage, but betrothal was a strong, binding, legally binding, socially binding institution. It’s temporary. It was leading toward the consummation in marriage.

 But these are folks here, in verse 25, that being asked about here. These are folks that are single. These are folks that have never been married. He says, in verse 25, “Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord but I give my judgment as one who, by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.” Yeah, and “I think that in view of the present distress, it is good for a person to remain as he is.”

 Again, Paul repeats the principle of stability. Before answering the question in full, he repeats the principle of stability. “Are you bound to a wife? Don’t seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Don’t seek a wife. But if you marry, you’ve not sinned and if a betrothed woman marries, she’s not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.”

You see that the principle of stability is not this rigid, inflexible rule that means you sin, if you pursue any change in your life. There is a kind of discontentment that God produces. The desire for a wife. A desire for a husband. God can be doing that. A desire for a job change. A desire for future, further education. A desire for development. A desire for building a business. These are, maybe, some discontentment’s that God stirs up and puts on the heart and, so, it’s not always wrong to change. That’s not the point. It’s a principle. It’s often the case in giving counsel, isn’t it? When you give people principles for living. Wisdom understands that principles are just that, their principles, their axioms, their general guidelines, that give us a reliable framework for life. And when applied, when adhered to these principles, they bring blessing.

 Was going to see Paul’s flexibility in a third point, but for now he just wants us to give, to give more reasons that single people should consider staying single. And, so, he goes on to another principle here. Second, a principle of theology. A principle of theology in verses 29 to 31, talked about the principle of stability and now the principle of theology.

Verse 29, “Those who marry,” or verse 28, “those who marry will have worldly troubles and I would spare you from that.” This is what I mean, brothers. The appointed time has grown very short. Perhaps a better way to translate that is, the appointed time has been shortened or is limited. The verb that he uses there, means to place something together and to draw it together.

 So, maybe, picture in your mind’s eye and your imagination, picture like a draw string and God is the one pulling the strings and closing the present time. So, the present time is steadily drawing to close. It has an end. Paul is not here fueling speculation about the second coming. He’s not asking people to interpret the headlines and think, is the rapture coming soon. He’s not saying that. Quite the opposite, in fact.

 Here, what he’s doing is, he’s calming fears. He’s settling nerves. He’s reminding the Corinthian Christians about this fundamental principle of theology. That is, who is God? God is the sovereign of the universe. His Providence rules all things and is worked out in all things. God is in firm control of the timetable. He slowly pulls the drawstrings of time. He’s in control of it.

How should that affect us? How should that inform the way we live? Verse 30, “From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and let those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as if they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as, as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.” In other words, beloved, don’t get so caught up in the world.

 Don’t get caught up in the things of the world. Don’t be preoccupied all the time by the politics of the world, the concerns of the world. Don’t let the politics trouble you. Don’t let the social and cultural changes in our land trouble and upset you. Jesus said it this way, “Follow me and let the dead bury their own dead.” Why? Why does he say that? Is he cold? Is he callous to human suffering? No, that not what he’s saying. He just knows that God is steadily drawing the appointed time to its inevitable end. He’s bringing all things to its predetermined conclusion, so trust him. Paul tells them to look beyond their present distress. Whatever that is. Realize that God has it all under control. God has fixed the period or era of these last days and everything is under his firm control. It’s moving history along its chosen path. Along its trajectory to reach its inevitable eschaton. Its conclusion.

Therefore, live the life that God has given you right now. You’re just, you’re just like a weed that grows very quickly, flowers, withers and dies, and you’re gone. And its place in the dirt, remembers it no more. Another way of saying, very poetically, get over yourself. Live the life God has given you now. Make wise decisions based on what God will certainly do. Based on what God has actually revealed. Rather than what you’re worried might happen in the future, but you don’t know. How does this apply to marriage? Look, hold on to this world, loosely.

It is true that marriage brings upon a person more challenge, more complexity, and that helps us to appreciate a third principle. Third, the principle of simplicity. The principle of simplicity, versus 32 to 35. Paul says, “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife. His interests are divided. The unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord about how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”

What’s he saying here is, this is a contrast, right? It’s not a contrast, though, between better or worse, it’s a contrast between simple and complex. Being married, more complex, being single, much simpler. Can I get an Amen? Can I get a witness? It’s, it’s hard to convince. Isn’t it? It’s hard to convince those who are longing for marriage about this principle of simplicity. Married people warn single people about this all the time, and they just seem unable to hear it.

One commentator said, “Marriage brings trouble in the flesh. It is not a romantic haven from the problems of the world.” Here, Paul, would perhaps share the attitude of the rabbi who said, “A young man is like that colt that whinnies. He paces up and down. He grooms himself with care. This is because he’s looking for a wife, but once married he resembles a donkey quite loaded down with burdens.” And marriage is a blessed gift.

Marriage is a blessed gift for those to whom it’s been given. He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. But for all who hear the message of beautiful simplicity, in verse 35, that single life promotes good order, that secures undivided devotion to the Lord, man, the Lord may use that to guide some of you to accept your singleness as a gift, no matter if that is a temporary gift or a lifetime gift. When you’re unmarried or single and single-minded in your devotion to the Lord, you have the blessing of simplicity in life.

And that brings with it the blessing of an undistracted worship, of deep study, of slow meditative thinking, without kids tugging on your, on your pants and pant leg and all the rest. I love kids. I love my kids. I love it’s such a wonderful thing. But listen, there is something beautiful about the simplicity without the distraction. You can study and think and meditate and pray and plan in an unhurried, undistracted environment. You can pursue the lines, all those lines of biblical theological investigation, that you love to pursue in ways, that make married people green with envy. Go ahead, rejoice in it. Enjoy it. It’s your gift.

 When you’re unmarried and you’re single-minded in your devotions of the Lord, listen, you have the blessing of simplicity, of focusing your time and your energy. You have a simplicity in your stewardship of how you’re going to use time, energy, resource. You have flexibility, and time, and serving. You have flexibility in showing, hospitality, and enjoying hospitality, as well. You have the simplicity of a life that has allowed you the flexibility to engage in all kinds of discipleship relationships. Conforming to different situations and moving back and forth with ease. Varying times. Varying places of discipleship. You’re not tied down. You can move at the drop of a hat.

 Now, that sounds attractive to every single one of us. Even to some of Jesus own disciples, who, they were realizing the weight of responsibility of the married life, when Jesus was teaching about the permanence of marriage. And they said, listen, if such is the case of a man with his wife, it’s better not to marry. Jesus answered, not saying, oh no, no, no, no, no, don’t, don’t think like that. Don’t go overboard. No, he said. He said, listen, not everyone can receive this saying. But only those to whom it is given. It’s a gift. So, a lifetime of singleness, that, too, is a gift from the Lord, even as marriage is a gift.

 Jesus went on, in that context, Matthew 19, to describe the reasons for singleness. Reason to people that may have a lifetime of singleness. Some who are physically unable to marry, have that gift. Whether that’s from birth, or whether it’s due to the sin of others perpetrated upon them. Others forgo marriage for the sake of the kingdom of heaven and Jesus said at the end of that section, he said, “let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” If you’re able, receive it, take it up. Paul is one of those who received that saying. He received that saying. God enabled him to do that and he recommends, commends the unmarried life. He commends it as worth considering.

 Let’s pray. Our father, we thank you for what we’ve been able to cover by your grace and by your wisdom. Thank you so much for giving us the Lord Jesus Christ and so much sound, fundamental, basic instruction on marriage, singleness and all the rest. Thank you for the Lord Jesus Christ giving his Holy Spirit to the apostles. In particular, the apostle Paul, who has so much wisdom that he’s passed on to us in 1 Corinthians 12 and 1 Corinthians 7. Pray that you would take the things that we have learned together as a church; 75% of us in the married state, 25% of us in the unmarried state.

 Pray that you would use these things to bring us closer together. To unite us, in mutual concern, for the purpose of mutual edification. For our thriving in the Christian life together. For our sanctification. For our pursuit of holiness. For our Christ likeness. All redounding to your glory, father, in the name of Jesus Christ our savior, amen.