Married and the unmarried Christian, Part 1 | Marriage and the Unmarried Christian

Selected Scriptures

We’re asking the question today: What does the Bible have to say to unmarried Christians? How should the unmarried think about marriage and their place in a church where marriages predominate. For unmarried Christians in particular, today, I want to provide some biblical counsel about living godly single life, in the context of a predominantly married church. That it doesn’t require, I want, I want you to get the message, that it doesn’t require you to change your status, from single to married, in order for you to have a full, fruitful, significant Christian life. I hope that comes across loud and clear. And where I want to start is in 1 Corinthians chapter 12.

 So, if you’ve got your Bibles, go ahead and turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 12. I’m going to make; this is the first point I’m going to make number one. All unmarried Christians are indispensable. All unmarried Christians are indispensable. Indispensable, that is, to the body of Christ. Indispensable to a healthy, thriving church.

 As you find your way to 1 Corinthians 12. I’ll direct you to verse 12 and let me start by saying this. It’s been clear throughout this series, I hope, that marriage is a fundamental and essential institution of humanity. On the same day that God created Adam and Eve, he created an institution, as well, by joining Adam and Eve together, in a one flesh union, lifelong union, and he created there a marriage.

What about those, though, who are not, themselves, participating in this institution of marriage? What about those who are unmarried? Do they have a place in the church? Do they count for something or when they come into the church, we just count them as kind of half people? You know, put a couple of them together and they make a full person. It’s not what Paul says.

 Go ahead and look at 1 Corinthians chapter 12 verse 12. And Paul says this, “For just as the body is one and has many members and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one spirit we were all baptized into one body – Jews or Greeks, slaves or free – and all were made to drink of one spirit.”

 We see that truth, what Paul just said there, eloquently proclaimed in every single baptism service, don’t we? The diversity in the body of Christ. So many different lives and stories and backgrounds and cultures and upbringings. All of those different stories and yet, at the heart and soul of a church is a sameness. There is a sameness in the body of Christ. There’s a unity in the same salvation, by the same gospel, about the same Lord Jesus Christ, in his perfect finished work on the cross. All accomplished by the same Holy Spirit. So Christian discipleship, Christian sanctification, it’s essentially the same for every one of us, isn’t it?

 What’s working in each one of us is the power of God by the spirit of God, applying the word of God under the lordship of Jesus Christ. That’s the same for all of us, no matter what the status is. We all gatherto partake of the regular means of grace in the church regardless of marital status. Hearing God’s word preached, affirming those new Christians being baptized, partaking together in the fellowship at the Lord’s table. We’re all equipped to do the work of the ministry regardless of marital status. We practice, one another, commands of scripture, all in the context of the local church, and then when we leave here, go out from a Sunday morning’s worship service. We’re all responsible for the same things, as well, before the Lord.

 We all love our neighbors as ourselves. We’re all zealous for good works. We’re always about the great commission, to make disciples of all the nations. We’re evangelizing the lost. We’re baptizing the converted. We’re discipling the saints. Our lives, whether married or not, our lives set an example of gospel transformation. We show the fruit of regenerated life. Show the fruit of a renewed and renewing mind. So, that unbelievers, all unbelievers, see the difference in us.

But whether you are married or unmarried. No matter who you are, Jesus has the same message to everyone. “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself,” let her deny herself. “Let him take up his cross,” or her cross daily, “and let him,” or her, “follow me. That call to discipleship is to anyone, it is to everyone, no matter what gender, no matter what marital or socioeconomic status, no matter what age, rank, class and to anyone who follows Jesus Christ in discipleship, who takes up that call, who answers that call, to deny self and take up the cross and follow him. No matter what status, situation, or condition in life the command is the same, isn’t it? For all of us, love one another.

The command is to love one another. John 13:34, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, so you also are to love one another.” Same thing in John 15:12. Romans 12:10, “love one another with brotherly affection.” There’s to be a warmth in our love. There’s a decision to love. Agape love is about a decision, that we make, to do what’s best for the other person that’s receiving our love. But we’re to love one another, not just in a, in a decision of the will, but with deep affection for one another. In fact, Romans 13:8, “Owe no one anything.” No. No debtors among us except this debt: To love each other. Why? Because all God’s commandments are summed up in this one word. “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” That’s all of us.

 Galatians 5:13, “You were called to freedom brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” Serve one another in love. That’s what our freedom is for. That’s what our freedom is for. It’s not, so we can indulge ourselves more. It’s not, so we can seek and serve our pleasures. Serve our own self-interest. Our freedom is a freedom to serve one another in love, whether single or married. We have a freedom. And any freedom we have is to give to other people. So, your marital status, really, is neither a help to you nor a hindrance to you, in your Christian discipleship.

 Your marital status, whether you’re single or married, whether you’re unmarried or, what if, for whatever reason, your status is neither a help nor hindrance to your discipleship, to your contentment, to your gratitude, to your joy, to your maturity, to your holiness, your happiness, your confidence, your significance, meaning your sanctification.

 Sanctification, essentially, is the same for all. Your marital status, neither helps nor hinders you as a Christian and neither helps nor hinders your practice of Christianity and neither helps nor hinders your, your fruitfulness in the Christian life. Rather, your marital status, what it is, really, is the context which God has chosen for you to live out your Christian faith.

 So, if you’re married or if you’re not married, God has chosen that state of being for you. He’s chosen that condition for you. Your condition in life with regard to marital status, it frames the specific and practical ways that you walk in obedience to the truth. So, though different, certainly different, one status is not better or worse than another. It’s simply the context that God has chosen by his goodness and wisdom.

 Each of those statuses is good. That point is reinforced in the next two sections here in 1 Corinthians chapter 12 and start in verse 14, if you are tempted to think that your marital status diminishes your place in the body of Christ, you need to listen to these verses carefully. If you think that your marital status, let’s say you’re not married, if you think that, that somehow diminishes your place in the body of Christ and hinders you, makes you less fruitful, less available, think again. If you think your married status, the fact that you’re married, hinders you in your fruitfulness and effectiveness in the body of Christ, think again.

 Look at verse 14, “For, the body does not consist of one member, but of many. If the foot should say, ‘Because I’m not a hand, I do not belong to the body,’ that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, ‘Because I’m not an eye, I do not belong to the body,’ that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the, where would be the sense of hearing?

“If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.” Such a richness in God’s design for the body. I mean, just look at your own body and see the different parts of your body, realize, that all this richness of diversity is for the good of this body. So, if that’s you. If you think that your marital status is a liability and a hindrance to your service to Christ and I, as I said, that could be true for those who are married, as well.

 Some think that marriage hinders their service to Christ. So busy, with things of the married life, that you just can’t be involved. Well take note of verse 18. What does Paul say? “As it is God arranged the members in the body, each one of them as he chose.” What is that telling us? God is sovereign. God is in control. He has chosen this for you. God has sovereignly ordained your place. Whatever it is.

 So, if you are susceptible to the sin of discontentment. If you are susceptible and prone to grumbling about your lot in life. You need to memorize that verse. That needs to become your life verse. Meditate on those truths. Ask God to weave that verse into the fabric of your soul. One status, or set of circumstances, is not better than another. Being married is not better than being unmarried, or vice versa. What really matters is holiness and gratitude and contentment and obedience to Christ. The pursuit of Christ likeness. That’s what matters.

 Now there are those, on the other hand, who can think far too highly of their status and think more highly of themselves, because of their status and so, Paul addresses them starting in verse 20. “As it is, there are many parts and yet one body.” And so, verse 21, “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you,’ nor again the head to the feet, ‘I have no need of you.’” I mean, think about, if that were true, in just a human body the, the head not caring for the feet. Well, that head isn’t going to get anywhere without any feet attached, right? On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable. That’s the word for our point. All unmarried Christians are indispensable.

 And on those parts of the body, we think less honorable, but we, we bestow the greater honor and our unpresentable parts are treated with the greater modesty, which our more presentable parts, do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor, to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.

 “If one member suffers, all suffer together. If one member is honored, all rejoice together.” Isn’t that beautiful? Again, the responsibility for the composition of the body of Christ, in all of its variety and diversity, all its various conditions, statuses, sets of circumstances, all of its gifts, all of its weaknesses, all of its strengths, Paul lays all that at the feet of God. The one who is sovereign and good and wise.

 The reason God has done what he has done, the reason he’s composed the body this way, the reason he has arrange the parts and knit them together the way he has, verse 25, is so there is “no division in the body, but that the members have the same care for one another.” So, Christian, married or unmarried Christian, does that verse resonate with you? Does that verse characterize you?

 Unmarried Christians, do you have the same care for one another? Unmarried and married alike or are you subtly, in your heart, resenting your married brothers and sisters? Do you complain? In complaining about your own condition and your own circumstances, do you somehow despise them for being married? For having what, you feel like, has been withheld from you.

 Whether you’re single, divorced, widowed, do you envy those who are married? Do you have a hard time rejoicing with them in the birth of a child, for instance, or the birth of a grandchild? You ought not to. You have a hard time with those who seem to enjoy and rejoice in their marriages? Rejoice in their families. You have a hard time rejoicing with them drawing near to them. Serving them. Being a part of their life. Engaging with them.

Married Christians, let me pose some questions to you. Are you intentional in reaching out with the same care for others, married or unmarried? Do you treat them alike? Or are you somewhat preferential toward married people. Because you kind of relate with them and kind of share life with them.

 Listen. This is how the institution of marriage has its formative shaping effect, not just on the individuals within the marriage or within the family, but how it spreads out to the entire society. This is how the institution of marriage shapes and effects all of society, when the married bring others into the home. When they give those people a seat at the table. When they share their fellowship. When they share their friendship.

 The married and the unmarried showing mutual love and concern, mutually shaping and edifying one another. Listen, that’ll change the world, one meal at a time. If there is any deeper need in our society right now, it is the need for friendship. In all of our social connections, people are starving for real intimacy. This is what the church is. This is what the church provides. An intimate union and communion with Jesus Christ. Together, we provide intimate union and communion with one another as well, and that doesn’t have to do with marital status. It has to do with union in Christ.

 When the ratio in our church is three to one, married to unmarried church members. We should have this covered, shouldn’t we? So, if you’re practicing 1 Corinthians 12:25 already, listen, praise God for you. Praise God for you. Excel still more, though. Teach others to follow your examples. Recruit, teach, model, and then, disciple others. Get them involved.

 Now, having said that, wrapping up just that first point, that all unmarried Christians are indispensable, needed, necessary, essential personnel in the body of Christ. Let’s turn back to 1 Corinthians chapter 7. Go back to a chapter that has so much to do with marriage and divorce, remarriage and troths condition, and all the rest.

We said all unmarried Christians are indispensable, but second, number two, some unmarried Christians are intentional. Some unmarried Christians are intentional. I could broaden the point to include married Christians, as well. Some Christians are intentional. I could just say that, but I am focusing this sermon to the unmarried. The word intentional. What do I mean by that exactly? I mean intentional about living the Christian life. Living the Christian life, the life that you have received. The actual life you have received from the Lord. The lot in life that you’ve received from the Lord.

Are you intentional about living that? Or are you always looking across the, the, backyard fence into somebody else’s life and envying and desiring that, for yourself, instead of what God has given you. Are you intentional in living whatever status you have from the Lord? Are you intentional about living whatever circumstances that you’re in?

 Being intentional about living the Christian life. Living the life that you receive from the Lord. This is a matter of wisdom that the church desperately needs to recover for our age, doesn’t it? There’s a key verse I’ll give you. You should jot this one down, and you should actually commit it to memory. Proverbs 17:24. Proverbs 17:24 says this, “The discerning sets his face toward wisdom, but the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.” “The discerning sets his face toward wisdom. The eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.”

 There is a seemingly endless lists of options in our wealthy western world and that means that we are glutted with variety. We are driven to distraction and overwhelmed with choices. The prevailing tendency in our time is to keep ourselves open to all these different options. Don’t want to commit? Wanna keep options open?

 As the proverb says, we are always setting our eyes on the horizon. We’re setting our eyes on the ends of the earth. But wisdom, and wisdom, biblically speaking, wisdom is the application of biblical truth of daily life, taking revealed truth and putting it into practice and the resulting knowledge and understanding that comes out of that, is called wisdom.

So, wisdom, wisdom is biblical principle lived out. Wisdom means obedience to revealed truth. Wisdom is not about keeping our minds open to all available options. Wisdom is not about always living in a state of indecision. Wisdom is about keeping our minds closed to everything that doesn’t square with scripture.

 We’re to be discerning and not let thoughts come in, that don’t comport with Scripture. We’re to close our minds to many things. That’s wisdom. But closing our minds, to that which doesn’t comport with truth. It’s about keeping our minds closed to what does not promote godliness. Does not promote or encourage conformity to Christ. We are to live in wisdom. We are to live by intentional neglect. We are to neglect, turning our eyes away from all that turns our hearts from the truth. Anything that would turn us away from what we know for certain, because it’s revealed in God’s word. We are not to entertain that.

 We live in the intentional pursuit of holiness in the Christian life and that means, that we accept whatever status, whatever situation, circumstances, whatever is going on, we accept what God has chosen for us, according to his wise providence. We understand that he is. Whatever he’s put into our day. Whatever he’s put into our life. He’s chosen that, that we should live in it, walk in it, persevere through it, serve him in it. We don’t have to wait until it’s all lifted in order to serve Christ. We serve Christ, now. Whether in want or in plenty.

 So, some unmarried Christians are intentional. Some married Christians are intentional, too. But I’m giving attention, in this point, to the unmarried among us. I wish I could say the point, this way, all unmarried Christians are intentional. All Christians are intentional, but that’s not been my observation. Unmarried Christians can be intentional. They have the privilege to live intentional lives. Some do, some don’t.

Those who embrace whatever God gives them, who live intentional lives embracing advantages of being unmarried, man, these are the grateful, joyful, fruitful Christians among us. When you live an intentional life. When you embrace, whatever set of circumstances, trials, difficulties, status, whatever it is, when you accept that from the hand of a good, wise God; man, he makes you joyful, grateful, fruitful in all of it.

Now, in the first six chapters of 1 Corinthians. Paul has confronted and corrected various sins. Sins that had been reported to him. And as we get into the second half of the letter, Paul is answering questions that have come to him from the church. There’s a literary marker that you can see.

 Actually, in most translations, right there at the beginning of Chapter 7, it says, in verse 1, “now concerning,” that’s the marker. “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote.” That marker “now concerning,” that’s a marker that we can follow all the way through the rest of the letter, because he’s answering questions that have come up. You can trace that marker through the rest of the letter. Down in verse 25, of the same chapter. ‘Now concerning’, verse, chapter eight verse one, chapter 12 verse 1, 16:1, 16:12, now concerning, now concerning, now concerning, and on and on it goes.

 So, there are two of those kind of markers in this chapter. Verse 1, verse 25, which means that, basically, Paul is addressing two questions, here, in this chapter, that the Corinthians wrote to him about. The first question is this: Should we continue having conjugal relations in marriage, verse 1? Kind of a host of related questions to marriage and marital status. And then another question in verse 25. Basically, should engaged couples follow through and consummate their marriage? So, should married couples change things and should those who are anticipating marriage; should they wait, hold off, or go ahead with their marriage? Those are the two questions Corinthians wrote, to Paul, asking for pastoral advice.

Asking for pastoral wisdom on those questions. And we might want to ask the question. It’s a good question to ask. Why would married couples wonder whether or not they should be engaged in something like that? In their God given gift of conjugal relations, why would they, why would they ask that question? Why would engaged couples question whether they should follow through on the marriage? I mean, if you’re questioning that, shouldn’t you just call it off?

 So, why did they ask these questions? One of the interpretive keys to figuring out what prompted the questions in the first place is figuring out what Paul means in verse 26 by this little term, the present distress. If you identify that, in verse 26, that’s the question. What is the present distress? What is Paul referring to there?

Bruce Winter, formerly of Tyndale House, Cambridge, he wrote extensively about the social situation, after Paul left the city of Corinth on his second missionary journey. Acts 18:18, talks about him ending that time in Corinth, after a year and a half a ministry there, and Bruce Winter has found a lot of evidence, of what happened after Paul left Corinth, which, actually, plays into some of the issues that we see covered in 1 Corinthians.